Consider if this may be the case for you. Do you spend a lot of your time pleasing others? Do you continuously strive for perfection? At first, it doesn’t sound so bad to help others and try your best but if you stop and consider the effect this behaviour may be having, you may soon realize you need to STOP these habits immediately.
People Pleasing
It is all well and good to help others. This is kindness; not really what I am referring to when I say “people pleasing”. Carry on your kind ways. I commend you. The people pleasing I am referring to results in you neglecting your own needs and wants, and ironically, losing the respect of the people you are trying to please. You often go out of your way to please people even when it ends up doing damage to your own situation and negatively affecting you. You take little time for yourself.
You might put yourself financially out of pocket as a result of your desire to please. You have a lot of one-sided relationships in which the other party seems to gain more than you. You rarely say no to requests. People take advantage of your good nature. Sound familiar? STOP now.
To be a people pleaser means you are constantly suppressing your views and desires. You likely have to bury anger, frustration, sadness, etc. These emotions are never dealt with properly. How to stop… I recommend being honest but at the same time letting people down gently.
Practice asking others for help. Rid yourself of leeches who have been taking advantage of your people pleasing nature all this time, especially if they are not willing to offer a hand to you. Free yourself now and start a life where the first person you focus on is yourself. Of course, continue kindness and generosity in moderate doses to those who matter.
Perfectionism
Full disclosure, I am a recovering perfectionist. I have been working on “good enough” for years now. Many people believe that perfectionism should be obtained at all costs. Does this sound familiar? Well, sorry to break it to you but perfect does not exist. The goal post keeps moving, especially for a perfectionist.
On one hand, a certain level of perfectionism can drive people to accomplishments and provide the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. “Adaptive perfectionists” function better, adjusting their aim for absolute perfection, but still strive to a high level. They also have lower levels of procrastination than non-perfectionists. High-achieving athletes, scientists, and artists often show signs of perfectionism.
In its pathological form, however, it is an unhealthy belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. In its pathological form, perfectionism can be very damaging. It can take the form of procrastination when it is used to postpone tasks because you may not be able to perfectly complete them. Perfectionists also engage in frequent self-deprecation. In the workplace, perfectionism is often marked by low productivity as individuals lose time and energy on small irrelevant details of larger projects or mundane daily activities.
What can you do? It might be time to re-examine your standards and set more realistic goals. Be kind to yourself in setbacks. Remind yourself perfect is not possible. Good enough is totally acceptable and you are less likely to procrastinate when you’re striving for a realistic goal.
People pleasing and striving for perfection are two traits that can be mistaken for positive attributes. Consider this for yourself. Are your people pleasing tendencies interfering with your self care? Is your desire for the perfect result stalling you from getting started? Time to reflect and reframe your approach to the world. Put yourself first and take the time to free yourself from these tendencies. Drop me a line, I’d be more than happy to provide further guidance – michelle@crossfitdefy.com